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30 for 30 Winter, day 2. Goth girl.

02 Feb

Reliving those old goth days

“I’m an idiot.”

Actually, I’m not. I would venture to say I’m quite intelligent. This just happens to be what I say to myself when I’m being forgetful or mindless around the house. Let’s say I sit down and realize my glasses are still in the other room. More often than not I say this out loud with a little drama. I would never speak to you that way, it’s not really nice. It’s not even true which makes it the worse kind of message to keep carelessly tossing around. One of these days I might start to believe it.

A while back I decided to stop. I do not have any heart for this bad habit, I’m quite nice to myself otherwise. At least I try to be. Today I was contemplating the fact that not only did I not make any New Year resolutions I almost missed out on the timing of a much more clever idea. One which ties nicely to the start of the new year: acknowledging what I’m already doing right.

Erin of Design for Mankind did this. After making a list of resolutions, she focused on what she’s been doing right rather than what she needed to change. She called it her list of non-goals. I told her I was all over that idea, it’s more my style anyway. I think changing a negative affirmation is a great thing to nurture. It’s certainly not a bad way to kick off a new year. I’ve got the right idea and I need to keep at it. It’s a bad habit, not a core belief. If I ever make a list, this one will be on it.

It comes down to kindness. I recently posted about using kind eyes when looking at or judging ourselves. A similar thought was captured today by Sal of Already Pretty. Here’s a snippet of what she said:

“But I’m here to tell you that being kind to yourself is vital. It is vital in the original meaning of the word: It is necessary for the maintenance of life. Being constantly unkind to yourself erodes your confidence, diminishes your self-worth, and extinguishes your individuality. Giving all your kindness away and reserving none for your own body, mind, and soul leaves you dry and empty. Eventually, you’ll have nothing left to give.”

She’s on to something. Check out the rest of her post. And if you don’t get around to it, it’s ok. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

- – - – -

Onto outfit number two. As my leggings happened to be winning at playing hide and seek, I incurred a last minute outfit change. You know what doesn’t photograph well? All black. Especially all black taken by hubby in a hurry.

I, Fabienne Jach, do solemnly swear to get an earlier start tomorrow morning. And hey, check out how many remixers there are!

Deets: Black empire waist dress/Max Studio, black turtleneck/Benetton, black tights/unknown, purple chiffon scarf/Georgiou, black ankle boots/Munro, black handcarved gingko earrings/Braindrops, tree of life pendant/gifted, plastic flower bracelet/Anthropologie.


Photo: Filip Jach

 
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  1. Sherry Jarwin

    February 2, 2011 at 9:10 pm

    Hi Fabienne – I am really touched by your honesty here!!! I am totally going to stop berating myself. I know I am smart and talented but I am always telling myself I am not good enough…. well, enough of that! I am very punctual, I am conscientious of the strengths of others in a way that can help to get to a common goal (a work reference), I do not say mean things about people – I always see the best in them first… starting tomorrow I am going to see the best in me first. Thanks for sharing! Cheers! OH AND BTW – you always look adorable. Even in goth!

     
  2. Jodi

    February 2, 2011 at 9:55 pm

    hot stuff….. looking hot girl and kindness is the ONLY way to go…we can train ourselves to turn down the volume on the the disempowering voices in our heads, the ones that say "youre fat, ugly, not good enough.. nah nah na…. OIY
    xo J

     
  3. Gracey

    February 2, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    What a wonderful post. I found you on day2daywear and I'm glad I did. The words are lovely and the outfit is just as lovely. It's simple, but not boring – the scarf and the pendant are just the perfect touches.

    Gracey

     
  4. Rose

    February 2, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    Genius.

     
  5. Brittney

    February 2, 2011 at 11:11 pm

    what a good reminder to me. and you look so lovely, to boot! love the pop of purple scarf. 2 down 28 to go, eh? great ensemble.
    -brittney
    http://adayinlifetoo.blogspot.com (fellow remixer!)

     
  6. Pearl Westwood

    February 3, 2011 at 5:05 am

    Quite right you are too, it is all too easy to be kind to others but you need to be kind to yourself too!

     
  7. Melissa

    February 3, 2011 at 7:52 am

    Oh gosh…I do the same thing, tell myself that I'm an idiot way too much. I should stop.

    This is such a beautiful outfit on you. I love the layers and the punch of color in the scarf!

     
  8. the Citizen Rosebud

    February 3, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    Black looks so damn good in real life though. But photographs plain. Oh well, you still look great, and the purple scarf is just the right amount of color.

     
  9. Emma at Daily Clothes Fix

    February 3, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    Black isn't the usual look for you but I think this is very chic and almost Edwardian in style. And too true on the negative comments – we should be nicer to ourselves.

     
  10. Fabienne Jach

    February 3, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    @Sherry: I'm so glad to hear you're turning it around.
    @Everyone else, thanks for the love. We're all mirrors of each other:) Also, I will have to find a better way to capture this black on black action!

     
  11. Cloud of Secrets

    February 4, 2011 at 9:08 am

    Love the outfit — dark, yet cute and cozy. I'd wear it in a heartbeat. I need to think about acquiring more daywear dresses, to wear over warm tops and tights, leggings, or jeans as needed.

    The thoughts on self-kindness make me think of a RuPaul quote; I heard it on her Drag Race show: "If you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?"

     
  12. Fabienne Jach

    February 7, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    @Sarah: You're SO RIGHT!